Epiphanies
by trainlindz
Summary: Never in a million years did Remus expect what he thought was a successful mission amongst the werewolves to come back and bite him from behind. DH oneshot


_Written for the March 2008 RT Challenge on LiveJournal using Prompt - 5. . 'I like it when you're quiet. It's as if you weren't here now, And you heard me from a distance, and my voice couldn't reach you. It's as if your eyes had flown away from you, and as if your mouth were closed because I leaned to kiss you.' from Twenty Love Poems, "15" by Pablo Neruda. I'm not JK Rowling._

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Never in a million years did Remus expect what he thought was a successful mission amongst the werewolves to come back and bite him from behind. All of his concerns, worries and nightmares had been about failure: the rest of the pack joining Voldemort, his position as a spy being revealed, the Order being compromised, but the idea that having the werewolves, excluding Greyback, taking a neutral stance causing more problems? Impossible.

Except the problem turned out to be that it wasn't impossible, and although he and the rest of the Order could see it coming, there was nothing they could do about it. More and more of the Ministry was being replaced daily with known and suspected Death Eaters, well respected wizards and witches were vanishing without a trace, and the new laws being passed were undeniably a trap waiting to catch the unsuspecting; Muggleborns, half bloods, and now, werewolves.

Dora had been putting it lightly earlier that day when she told Harry that the Ministry was very anti-werewolf at the moment. Anti-werewolf was where the world had been for the entirety of Remus' life. This was far worse. Random blood screens, branding, Azkaban imprisonment and confiscation of wands were just the beginning. Now there were whispers of things even more terrible. People were going to become guilty by association with werewolves; guilty for being associated with him. Now it was official and the Ministry and the Death Eaters were absolutely one and the same.

Remus had been sitting silently in the same armchair staring at the wall in front of him for the last two hours with the same thoughts cycling through his head. _My wife is in danger. My child will be outcast from the start. The Order is losing. All because of me_. The pressure had been building for weeks. Remus sighed to himself when all of these thoughts drew him into one conclusion. He had to fix this. He couldn't go back in time and do anything differently, but there was something that he could do now. He could find Harry and protect everyone with one move. He could go with Harry, Ron and Hermione where ever they were going and help them, and by doing so, helping Dora and their baby at the same time. They'd be safer with him gone.

Could he do it again, though? He had left her once, walking out of her life to go amongst the pack, not looking back at her, but full well knowing that the tears were streaming down her face. He couldn't have looked back, because then he wouldn't have gone. The Order needed him then and it was what the Order was going to need to do now. He needed to sacrifice himself for the cause. For the greater good. It would be better for her. Dora could look like anyone. Disappear. She and her baby could start over, free from his stigma.

He heard her walk up behind him. Felt her bending around him and her soft lips reached his. Her small was intoxicating, and he couldn't help but smile as she drew away. He loved this woman more than life, and that's why he was going to let her go. Without him, she could live.

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As soon as Remus hit the doorstep of 12 Grimmauld Place, he spun and apparated without a clear destination in mind. As the squeezing sensation stopped, Remus kept his eyes closed and breathed in deeply. Dangerous as splinching was, he had done this exact thing countless times in the past, and he always ended up in the same place. Exhaling, Remus opened his eyes to see his default apparation setting; the graveyard in Godric's Hollow.

Immediately after the first war, it had been impossible to visit the graves of James and Lily Potter. It was full of wizards and witches coming to pay their respects and celebrations to the parents of Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. After a couple of months, the steady stream of people slowed down enough for Remus to make his first appearance since the funeral. He arrived in the cemetery late in the evening to find it deserted and he just sat at the foot of their graves for hours. Sometimes quiet, sometimes crying, sometimes apologizing to James and Lily, running his hands over the stone, and feeling responsible for the entire situation. Over the years, whenever the world felt like too much and he needed an escape, this is where he had gone. He would sit and wait for an epiphany. Remus didn't feel that it was actually a divine intervention; however, things always seemed to come together for him when he was with James and Lily. It all became clear.

Clarity was what he needed right now. Remus had just left his wife and unborn child, offered himself up for a death mission and blasted his best friend's son across a house full of Dark magic. Sitting down on the grass Remus crossed his legs and buried his face into his hands. Here he was, in another war, and once again he was isolated from everyone that he cared about.

Remus reached up and touched James' name with his fingertips. Harry had said that James would have told him to look after his own family instead of looking out for Harry. But for James to have said that, James would have been alive to look out for Harry himself. If anything, Sirius should have been able to help out. All Harry had looking out for him was a former Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and he had turned him down.

The epiphany hit Remus like a truck. A little more love in the world was what was needed. By leaving Dora and their child, the Death Eaters were beating him. Harry was right. His child would be more ashamed of him if he had abandoned him rather than raise him in a loving home with his mother.

Dora. Would she take him back? This was the second time that he had left her and had placed the cause above her and their relationship, but this time it was worse. He had left without a word. Leaving their bed early in the morning, leaving a note telling her to start over and that he loved her, but some things were more important than love. All he could hope for was that she would be smarter than him was.

Remus stood and silently thanked James. He walked away from the cemetery back towards the centre of town and prepared to apparate again, but this time he was going home back to Dora and their baby.

Nothing is more important than love.

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